They're going home tomorrow. Sigh.... I'm slightly sad, but i can't pinpoint why? Maybe just because they're family. It's such a important word. I dunno, everyone asking when i'm tying the knot. Truth is, i dun want to just yet.
Why?? I dunno. Do i need a piece of paper to certify our love for one another? Perhaps? I do have my doubts from time to time. I'm pretty sure there's no other guy out there who wants me right now. But i just dun understand it. Why must someone get marry to another after knowing that person more than a year or so?
I suddenly don't understand the point in marriage. Why get married? Isn't love enough? Somehow, whenever i see married couples, i always see them change.
Dating stage: Holding hands everywhere, a PDA from time to time, the chemical reaction is there, IT SPARKS!
After marriage: Front and back, sometimes don't even bother to answer calls from one another, kids...(Don't get me wrong, but i like kids as long they're not mine and i can return them.) You just see the separation right there. It's so obvious!
Sigh, i don't really like changes in relationships. I just feel very insecure to take the next step. I'm only turning 21 this year and just because i dated the same guy for 3 years doesn't mean i have to get married to him, RIGHT?
My mom is urging me to tie the knot. She was like 'Quickly, get registered. Wedding party can come much later.' I dun want that. I mean it's convenient but it's a once in a life time thing. How can you rush it? I dun want to do it just because Ben's planning to buy a car and house right here.(He's planning to stay in Sydney for at least another 3-5 years if he does get sponsorship from his head chef/company.)
I dun want to wait that long to move forward in my life. I want to travel as much as i can, i want to see Japan and Paris before i turn 25. There's so many things i want to do right now. I dun want to get stuck with marriage. It's static. I get bored fairly quickly,if i dun see any changes in them, i jump boat. I dun want to be unfair to Ben but i dun want to compromise my life.
I seriously don't know where am i heading right now. I have lost my sense of direction in life...I kept looking back at things i could have done but didn't with much sense of regret. I'm an example of epic failure. I really am...
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
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hmm epic failure huh? dats a deep word to describe one who hasnt even reach 40 yet.. lol..
ReplyDeletemy dear dun let wat your mom says get into your head.. marriage isnt all dat.. maybe she's just worried bout you in the long run as in maybe she just wans more security for you dats all.. n its nt true u have to get married after 3 years cause my bro broke up wit his girl after 8 years together..
no offense to ben as well but i believe there's always more than one guy for you out there so dun be so paranoid bout it n wat happened in the past is the past.. you shouldn't regret any of it coz it made you who you are now.. btw ur still young, travelling is still not impossible for years to come..