They're going home tomorrow. Sigh.... I'm slightly sad, but i can't pinpoint why? Maybe just because they're family. It's such a important word. I dunno, everyone asking when i'm tying the knot. Truth is, i dun want to just yet.
Why?? I dunno. Do i need a piece of paper to certify our love for one another? Perhaps? I do have my doubts from time to time. I'm pretty sure there's no other guy out there who wants me right now. But i just dun understand it. Why must someone get marry to another after knowing that person more than a year or so?
I suddenly don't understand the point in marriage. Why get married? Isn't love enough? Somehow, whenever i see married couples, i always see them change.
Dating stage: Holding hands everywhere, a PDA from time to time, the chemical reaction is there, IT SPARKS!
After marriage: Front and back, sometimes don't even bother to answer calls from one another, kids...(Don't get me wrong, but i like kids as long they're not mine and i can return them.) You just see the separation right there. It's so obvious!
Sigh, i don't really like changes in relationships. I just feel very insecure to take the next step. I'm only turning 21 this year and just because i dated the same guy for 3 years doesn't mean i have to get married to him, RIGHT?
My mom is urging me to tie the knot. She was like 'Quickly, get registered. Wedding party can come much later.' I dun want that. I mean it's convenient but it's a once in a life time thing. How can you rush it? I dun want to do it just because Ben's planning to buy a car and house right here.(He's planning to stay in Sydney for at least another 3-5 years if he does get sponsorship from his head chef/company.)
I dun want to wait that long to move forward in my life. I want to travel as much as i can, i want to see Japan and Paris before i turn 25. There's so many things i want to do right now. I dun want to get stuck with marriage. It's static. I get bored fairly quickly,if i dun see any changes in them, i jump boat. I dun want to be unfair to Ben but i dun want to compromise my life.
I seriously don't know where am i heading right now. I have lost my sense of direction in life...I kept looking back at things i could have done but didn't with much sense of regret. I'm an example of epic failure. I really am...